Freedom from Mothering Fears...Ongoing

     I once fancied myself the best mother ever to my young children.  I was the mom who created the happiest birthday parties, cool educational outings and the home where all the kiddos in the neighborhood were welcomed with open arms.  I was blessed to stay home with them and give them cuddles, kisses and yummy home-cooked meals.  This created happy children and a contented mom.  It seemed mothering was my purpose...more important than God to me if I'm being honest with myself.

     Fast forward ten years.  I now have teens.  One is a strong-willed 18 year old.  Although I still strive to be the very best and do everything right, I'm continually defeated and come up short.  Why don't they believe all the things I taught them?  Why do they make choices that leave me in a tailspin of insecurity and depression?  Some days I want to throw in the towel and head to a faraway land.  I certainly don't want to talk to those moms of perfect teens who inevitably assume my bad parenting is to blame for my children's choices.

     But in the midst of the turmoil, something beautiful and exciting has happened.  I've begun to commune with God.  I'm learning what it's like to trust in God and not in my own understanding.  And yet, as I give up my struggles to Him, I begin to believe He won't fix it they way I want and I take all that fear back again and wrap it around me like a security blanket.  But like a slow-learner, I again realize I can't do it by myself.  Only He can.  I give it back to Him again.

     I'm coming to realize bad things might happen.  My children may know hurt and hardship for a very long time.  But I also know that He is listening to my near-constant prayers and I can trust Him because His answers are perfect.  I must also trust in His perfect timing. 

    I believe we are driven into corners to realize how necessary God is.  We suffer in all kinds of ways and God will use the suffering to bring us to Him.  Prayer is my new way of life.  And the Bible has become my sword as I bring up it's promises over and over in time of need.  Through my mothering struggles, God has become my only hope.  I've fallen in love with Him in a way that wouldn't have become possible if all had remained perfect. 

     Do you have struggles and fears?  He's calling out to you to put it all on Him.  He can handle it.  Nothing is hopeless because Jesus lives.  He wants your total dependence.  I can no longer function any other way.

     "Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."  Philippians 4:6-7